It's Finally Official!!!

IT'S OFFICIAL!!!

J finally proposed last night!!! Yay! I pretty much knew it was coming, but it doesn't make it any less exciting for me.

It turns out that he actually got me my second choice ring. At first, I was a teeny bit disappointed, but I'm so thrilled that it's official that I don't care anymore. I think this ring suits me well. In fact, it'll go really well with the channel set wedding band I want...they'll complement each other nicely!

Here's a pic!!!

We have to have it sized, though. It's a bit too small and uncomfortable on my finger. Unfortunately, it's going to take them a week to do it. :( So, we're going to drop it off tomorrow afternoon. I want to wear it tonight when the girls come over so I can tell them the good news!

Now all the ideas I've been posting about can come to fruition. I can actually plan, not just talk about planning!

Yay! I think we found my ring...

J and I looked at rings on Saturday. I think I found the one I want. I hope it's the one he buys!It's really just a plain old round solitare set in white gold, but I really fell in love with it when I tried it on.

When I went to their website to find this pic, I also saw a wedding band that I really like...

I think it'll look stunning next to the engagement ring. I was thinking of using my grandmother's wedding band...until I saw this one!

I haven't forgotten about J. We both like the black titanium one I showed him, but it's a bit more than we wanted to spend on the bands. Turns out the same ring is availble by Littman for half the price of the first one I saw! Yay!

Yes, Another Engagement Post

...but this one isn't as whiney as some of the others.

I have an extremely close relationship with my Aunt. I have turned to her during many hard times. I love the relationship we've developed and the conversations we can have now that I'm "all growed up." Hehehe. She has been a positive guiding force in my life for a long time now. I am soooooo grateful for her. I honestly don't know if she is aware how important she is to me. I try to tell her, but I stumble over words when they're the "mushy" kind.

I will talk to her about almost anything. One thing I have not spoken to her about is my non-engagement. (I don't know what else to call it anymore) The subject is a difficult one for me and I tend to dance around it a lot, unless I'm blogging or freaking out to J.

We talked about it today, and she, as always, really helped me see things from a different perspective. It doesn't change the way I feel about the situation, but the understanding I've gained is helping me cope with it better. I think I have a clearer sense of where J is coming from, even if I don't like it.

I'm just so blessed to have her.

Engagement Dream

I had a dream last night that J proposed. The way he did it was very...uneventful. He just kind of put a box in my face, opened it, and asked me if I'd marry him. It didn't seem to matter though. I asked him if he was serious...finally! Then, I looked at the ring as we put it on my finger. It was...UGLY. I mean, super-ugly. The ugliest ring I'd ever seen. LOL.

It was this huge, thick, wide, heavy gold men's ring with 3 diamonds in a diagonal pattern across the face. I can't describe how awful it was. I just remember it being huge, and it weighed a ton.

I was still ridiculously excited, but I did manage to tell him I'd like us to look for a more petite ring, if possible. He said ok.

The whole thing was just strange.

Gorgeous Ring!

Wow! I absolutely love this ring! It's gorgeous!!!

You know what else it is?

E X P E N S I V E.

This ring carries a price tag that says $15,000.00.

Yep, that's more than our entire wedding budget.

Ahh, if only money grew on trees!

Pause - Updated with explanation

THIS BLOG IS ON HOLD.

So what in the world was that about? I post these big bold caps letters and then don't explain anything.

That, my friends, is an example of how emotional I can be.

See, as you may know from a previous post, J and I have had an extremely long courtship...going on 6 years!!! While I've had breakdowns about getting married before, the past 5 months have been terrible for me. I just can't take it anymore. I'm literally at the breaking point and I sometimes can't control myself.

I get scared and worried that it just isn't going to happen. I lose faith in J and worry that I'll have to give up everything we have to find a man who'll marry me and make a good husband and father, even though J is the man I want to spend my life with. I'm not the type of girl who can settle for a forever courtship. My ship is about to set sail and I feel like I'm missing the boat (how's that for mixing metaphors!?).

So, I was going to give up any wedding planning/dreaming/thinking until he actually does the deed...down on one knee...ring in hand/box...

Then, we talked. Well, he talked and I babbled through sobs.

I need to try to have a little more patience. I need to give him the time that I promised I would give him. I owe that to him. Once that time is up, he owes me what he promised - a lifelong commitment, a happily ever after.

I've been viewing all this planning as a "maybe," or "if." I've been cautious about it, prefacing any plans with, "Assuming he proposes..." I think I need to start looking at it as "when." I need to have faith in J and our relationship.

This blog is more than just plans and ideas. It is now a testament to the faith and trust I now have in J, and will have in him as long as I live.

THIS BLOG IS NO LONGER ON HOLD!!!

Engagement

The people who have access to this blog know the situation. J and I are planning our wedding because he has promised, after 5 years, to propose by the Spring. The truth is, I'm very nervous about it. Because it has been so long, there is a part of me that is convinced all of this planning is in vain - that he won't propose by Spring, or ever.

J claims money has been the reason he hasn't proposed. I don't believe him. I'm the kind of girl who would be happy with a cheap ring from Wal Mart. I think he's been scared. I don't know why. He's not a cheater. He doesn't go out and get drunk with his friends every weekend, but for some reason, he's been afraid. He won't admit that. He tells me it's the money. I still don't believe it.

I'm scared to death he won't propose by Spring. If he doesn't, I don't know what I'll do. I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I don't want to put my life on hold forever waiting for him. I won't say I'll leave him, because I don't know what I'll do. I just know that I might have to make that choice. That choice makes me feel sick.

I also think Spring is such a vague timeline. Are we talking meteorological spring? If so, that's only a month away. Are we talking the vernal equinox spring? Are we talking when the birds start chirping and the buds start blooming? Why such a vague timeline? Why won't he even commit to a particular month? I think it's because he's trying to buy more time to put it off.

I try not to be impatient...I try really hard. I also fail. After more than five years together, I just don't understand what all the waiting is about.