Venue, Sweet Fiance

Well, we met with the coordinator at our venue. We haven't booked yet, but we've decided we will. We're going to a Sunday brunch there this weekend, just to make sure the food is good. I've only heard good things, so I don't think it's going to be a problem.

I just wish the reception room were prettier. It's kind of plain and a little ugly. The dance floor is small, though the manager said they have additional mats they can use if we'd like a bigger space for dancing.

I commented to J today that I wish the room weren't so ugly. Y'know what he said? You might not believe me, but this is how the conversation went:

J:Well we have that brunch Sunday, right?
Me: Yeah. I mean, we're set, but it's still a good idea to try the food before our deposit. I just wish the room weren't so ugly.
J: It won't be ugly in October of next year.
Me: Huh? I guess the decorations will help, but it's still...
J: Because if the decorations don't make it pretty, the bride will.
Me: Where is my fiance? What did you do with him? That was really sweet...
J: Yeah, I'm good for a year now.
Me: Try a month.
J: Oh come on! That's worth at least two months!
Me: Ok, two months!

LOL
I am not usually into the mushy mushy crap, but that was just awesome. It's nice once in a while. :)

That's one of the reasons I love J. He very rarely says sweet/romantic things, but when he does, they mean even more because of his personality.

Yes, Another Engagement Post

...but this one isn't as whiney as some of the others.

I have an extremely close relationship with my Aunt. I have turned to her during many hard times. I love the relationship we've developed and the conversations we can have now that I'm "all growed up." Hehehe. She has been a positive guiding force in my life for a long time now. I am soooooo grateful for her. I honestly don't know if she is aware how important she is to me. I try to tell her, but I stumble over words when they're the "mushy" kind.

I will talk to her about almost anything. One thing I have not spoken to her about is my non-engagement. (I don't know what else to call it anymore) The subject is a difficult one for me and I tend to dance around it a lot, unless I'm blogging or freaking out to J.

We talked about it today, and she, as always, really helped me see things from a different perspective. It doesn't change the way I feel about the situation, but the understanding I've gained is helping me cope with it better. I think I have a clearer sense of where J is coming from, even if I don't like it.

I'm just so blessed to have her.

Ups and Downs

I haven't posted since the Big Dress/Tent report. I'm taking serious steps to remedy the bulging bride problem.

I write today about something else entirely, though still wedding related.

Why is it that people find it so difficult to let you enjoy your happiness for a little while? Why must they always redirect the focus to them? I'm not suggesting that I don't want to be there for people or be involved in their lives and know what's going on with them, because I do! I truly truly do! But I would also like it if they could understand that this is big for me, and quite frankly, I don't want to share it. I don't know if any of that makes sense. What it comes down to is this: This is my time - my moment - let me have it for just a little while, please.

On a more positive note, I think J is so wonderful! He doesn't say much about wedding plans. I bring stuff up to him, he responds, and that's it. He doesn't really have a lot of his own ideas about it (unless it comes to food). So, the slightest mention from him without prompting makes me happy.

We watched American Wedding with some friends this weekend. I love that movie. It's hysterical, and at the same time, satisfies some of my girly "chick flick" tendencies. It's a good movie that works for both genders.

Anyway, at one point in the film, there is some sort of disaster - well, there are a lot of disasters - but I think this was when all the flowers died because one of the characters is an ass. So, J looks at me and says, "Well babe, no matter how bad it gets, it won't be that bad!" LOL. I just thought it was cute and had to share it.

It means he has been thinking about it, and that when he saw a wedding, it wasn't just a wedding - he could make the connection between that and OUR wedding. It's becoming very real for me now.

Engagement

The people who have access to this blog know the situation. J and I are planning our wedding because he has promised, after 5 years, to propose by the Spring. The truth is, I'm very nervous about it. Because it has been so long, there is a part of me that is convinced all of this planning is in vain - that he won't propose by Spring, or ever.

J claims money has been the reason he hasn't proposed. I don't believe him. I'm the kind of girl who would be happy with a cheap ring from Wal Mart. I think he's been scared. I don't know why. He's not a cheater. He doesn't go out and get drunk with his friends every weekend, but for some reason, he's been afraid. He won't admit that. He tells me it's the money. I still don't believe it.

I'm scared to death he won't propose by Spring. If he doesn't, I don't know what I'll do. I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I don't want to put my life on hold forever waiting for him. I won't say I'll leave him, because I don't know what I'll do. I just know that I might have to make that choice. That choice makes me feel sick.

I also think Spring is such a vague timeline. Are we talking meteorological spring? If so, that's only a month away. Are we talking the vernal equinox spring? Are we talking when the birds start chirping and the buds start blooming? Why such a vague timeline? Why won't he even commit to a particular month? I think it's because he's trying to buy more time to put it off.

I try not to be impatient...I try really hard. I also fail. After more than five years together, I just don't understand what all the waiting is about.